Adaptation of parents to the child’s disability.
From life position of parents directly affects the health of the child with disabilities. This article will analyze the challenges faced by parents of special children, try to see the problems with our feelings and ways of coping with the situation.
First, consider the challenges facing parents. It is known that a family with a disabled child goes through a series of crises.
1. The first crisis happens when parents learn that their child has a disability.
2. With the second crisis you may encounter a child with disabilities of school age, when it appears that the child will not be able to attend mainstream or even in a special school.
3. The third crisis coincides with adolescent psycho-physiological and psycho-emotional crisis of a child. At this stage the child becomes aware of his disability. The crisis of the child is added to the crisis “mid-life” parents.
4. Fourth crisis period – planning for the future life of young men: career, employment, furnishing family. This is an important stage of development of the child with the disability and the crisis is experienced most acutely.
5. Fifth the crisis – the adult life of a family member with a disability, when parents begin to wonder what will happen to the child when they’re gone.
Note also the phenomenon that on the verbal level, parents of special children accept them and love, but on an emotional level, their feelings are neutral or even negative. This contradiction creates an internal conflict which leave internal resources
In any of the listed crisis periods will have a positive impact on the situation reflection parents on behavioral resources that exist in the family to overcome the crisis. To aid in this, let us describe ineffective strategies and weaknesses in the behavior of parents dealing with a child’s disability.
You are faced with the problem of maladjustment, if:
– You feel a General dissatisfaction with life in personal and professional emotionally. You are overcome with guilt for mistakes (and I think that have to pay for them), You turn in on their problems, I feel that I have missed a lot in life that You life is more frustrating than most people with whom You are familiar, You are tired of life.
– You are passive, do not plan the events of your life, you have reduced the goal setting You are experiencing difficulty in finding a sense of what is happening to You events, feel that life is passing me by, don’t believe that Your active involvement in overcoming difficulties may have an impact on the course of life events.
– You’ve developed the “victimization”, which is expressed in apathy, abdication of responsibility for themselves and others, helplessness, low self-esteem, and “complex of exclusion” . characterized by social indifference, isolation, alienation, the habit to rely only on themselves. And in that and in other case, people are full of catastrophic expectations and apprehension, fear of negative effects of any events in your life. This is combined with an external locus of control – externalhost’, i.e., the tendency to explain the bulk of the failures of life by external circumstances ( not “I do” and “with me”, so the circumstances”, “fate”).
– You have no motivation to work hard, to obtain new information about the child’s condition and about effective ways to interact with him for the benefit of his mental and physical health, You do not look for new ways of effective communication with the child.
– You are not able to accept the child such what he is, and myself as a parent of a child with disabilities.
– You are emotionally estranged from the child that takes the form of either excessive rigor and seriousness, or complete freedom and lack of control. Or, on the contrary, You have too strong a symbiotic relationship with a child, there is excessive dedication, concentration on the child.
– You shift the responsibility for the child’s condition for specialists: educators, speech pathologists, doctors, etc.
– Frequent conflicts in the family.
You are not the first and You are not the last who are faced with these difficulties. Pay attention to what helps the family to overcome the crisis.
Adaptive strategies or help in life.
– To appreciate the choice . to perceive the changes taking place as a result of his own choice.
– Acceptance and unconditional love for a child with disabilities and yourself as the parent of a child with disabilities. It is about love for man, simply because he is.
– The value of life and involvement in life – emotionally positive involvement in family life and society.
– Openness to new experience . the adoption of the positive and negative aspects of life, openness to new experience, giving opportunities for life development.
– Constantly improve . to expand the boundaries of their knowledge, abilities, skills. Purpose – to learn adequate behavior with a child with disabilities, to build with him a positive attitude, to participate in the development of the child, to come to an adequate assessment of its capabilities, to be realistic, but to believe in the powers and abilities of the child, his determination in life.
– A willingness to act . actively participate in planning their own lives, the ability to solve problems using existing abilities and developing new, get pleasure from the activities, to take the initiative to indulge in their lives reasonable risk.
– Flexibility . to react to changing situations and to extract knowledge and experience of events.
Remember that the well-being of parents is the basis for the child’s well-being, and the desire and ability to create in the family developing environment – the defining factor of a child’s development. We wish You strength and patience, and the great reward of happiness in Your family.