If the child lies
Contrary to our expectations, all children lie, and this, unfortunately, is a fact. Children of all ages are doing it for different reasons, but most often lie to little children.
Let’s look at some ages children to understand WHY children lie and WHAT to do about it:
Child 2-4 years
Kids sometimes do not even realize that they’re lying, wishful thinking. Children at this age have a very developed imagination, and yet to feel the boundaries between real and invented. Often their fantasies turn into the stories that they tell an adult.
Girl Olga brought home from nursery Teddy bear, saying that the teacher gave her permission to take him. The reason for this behavior, according to the psychologist that she wanted so much to have this toy that she believed in something that can take a bear home.
The actions of the parents:
Punished for lying at this age is impossible, you just need to explain to the child that it is not always what you want is feasible, without getting to deep into thinking about morality. The kid still won’t be clear why it is important to tell the truth. Do not focus on the child disobeying adults, otherwise he will continue to lie, just hiding from you for their actions. Rather carefully explain to your child that there are significant differences between what it means “want” and “can”, and then the kid will soon be able to distinguish real from imaginary, will cease to take without asking other people’s things or lie.
Child 5-7 years
“Kate, I asked you to change the water to fish. Why haven’t you done?”
“And they have not had one in which they swim”.
At this age, children grow up and begin to suspect that a lie can to resolve their problems or to escape punishment. Their deception is becoming more like the truth. In order to protect themselves, the children carefully think through what they will tell your parents.
Because now the child deception checks parents, then we must act decisively, and to prevent deception in all its forms. Child checks, it will be hoax or not, and makes conclusions to lie to him in the future, or not, is it possible to solve the problem in the future by lying to her.
The actions of the parents:
The best way in this age of parenting such qualities as truthfulness – to be honest with the child, a personal example. After all, the first one looks a child and who subconsciously copy is You. But if you will do the opposite, the child will not understand the reasons for your lies, and most likely will copy how you do it. At this stage of education it is not yet able to understand when you need or don’t need to lie.
Will make every effort to explain to the child that even the smallest nepravda can bring a lot of harm. Cite evidence and examples from his own life. If you still want to punish him, first find out the true reason for his lie, and explain to your child that he is being punished.
8 years and older
A history lesson:
– In 988 Russia imposed Orthodoxy. And at 1000-m that was?
– Was the 12th anniversary of Orthodoxy in the country!
At the age of eight and older children feel more independent. For parents, they often become closed chest behind seven seals, although they seem to mean the open book. As I grew older, children increasingly show aggression, they begin to hide his personal life. The more parents try to find out from the child about what he doesn’t want to talk, the more he tries to step back and begins to invent stories.
In adolescence, the child could very well be lying, quite convincingly, using facial expression and appropriate intonation, so that adults do not notice this. They understand why they lie, in pursuit of certain goals, and often say exactly what they want to hear parents or anyone else. The consequences of cheating don’t bother them, because they are confident that by using the same lies will be able to go “away”.
The reason for this behavior is most often excessive parental care and attention. The child wants to be left alone, didn’t control his every move, so the child periodically lying, just to get rid of. In addition, it can greatly disturbed that he will not justify the expectations of parents. If he did something wrong and is afraid of punishment, he will most likely tell a lie. Children are often afraid that their parents will be dissatisfied with the results of their study or behavior, and therefore lie to your parents.
The actions of the parents:
First of all provide a good family conflict trusting atmosphere for the child to be relaxed and comfortable, because at home he needs psychological support and understanding, not constant stress. Try to talk with the child in a variety of interesting topics. If you encounter a difficult situation, help the child to understand it, but do it unobtrusively, direct his thoughts in the right direction that he would like “myself” has found a solution to this problem, but with you. This is possible only in a trusted environment, when the child is calm and confident that you will not berate, humiliate or hurt his feelings, and he will not regret that gave you the secret.
Explain to him convincingly, and give examples from his own life that cheating:
– you can very quickly identify;
– cheating fixes the situation only for a time;
– cheating will not build true friendship;
– the hype – this is bad. If you constantly lie, and other people will do that to you. Would you like that? Besides, people won’t respect you.
Prove to your child that you trust him completely and without any “but”. Entrust your child to solve their own problems, that he felt responsible. Do not talk to the child on topics that provoke him to lie. Tell him that we are all not perfect, and everyone has their flaws, and you want to help him. Cheer him.
If you see that your child is lying, then show him the mistrust, so as not to hurt his dignity, don’t hurt him, and make it so that there is a situation, when there is nothing left but to tell the truth.
The deception is need to predict and prevent.
The deception arises from the fact that the person is insecure. Create an environment that the child didn’t have to lie. Try to educate him according to all standards of physical, intellectual, psychological upbringing. If the child will trust you, he just has no reason to lie and deceive. Because he lives on the “double duty”, completely different from each other: on the one hand, the world of his friends and peers, and on the other hand, the adult world, it is very difficult. So he always needs your trust, love, participation, and support and praise.
And most importantly – give him most of their attention, become his friend, be polite with him. Your child should get answers to all his questions, to feel that you respect him and his views, share his joy and grief. Only in this case, the trust will complete and harmonious.