The Causes of disobedience

Usually in the mind of a parent separated from the love of discipline, as if they were two completely independent phenomena. These parents believe that discipline means punishment (some even spanking). The first thing we must realize to teach a child to be disciplined, to make him feel that you love him: this is the main and most important part of good discipline. If the child feels that the parents are standing behind him, he is really hard to identify with them and their values. If there is no strong, healthy communication with parents, the child responds to the dictates of parents with anger, hostility, resentment. He considers each request or requirement as imposed on him the duty and learns to actively resist. In the most severe cases, he viewed them with disgust, does everything out of spite, right the contrary. Only healthy, based on the unconditional love of parents and children can help to overcome all life’s crises. Another important aspect of appropriate love – the ability to carefully and intently listen to the child.

When a child is sure that you understand his feelings,thoughts, desires, he will be much more willing to respond to your discipline requirements.Nothing to the extent not irritating the baby unless he feels that parents understand his position.This does not mean that you succumb to the whims of the child, this means that you should completely sobredosis on communicating with him at this point, so he didn’t have the feeling that you just insist on their own,using their authority, and neglected his thoughts and feelings.

What discipline?

In the field of education of children discipline is the training of mind and character of the child to become independent, knows how to control himself worthy and constructive member of society.

This includes. a good example of adults,verbal and written instructions,requests, training, providing the child the opportunity to learn and gain different experiences, including the ability to relax.The punishment is also in this list, but this is just one of the many ways of discipline, with the most negative and primitive.

The way conflict-discipline.

For some parents m b. will be an unexpected one “secret”: the children are waiting. parents will create the order and ask them specific rules of conduct.It makes children’s lives understandable and predictable, creates a sense of security.Children intuitively feel that the parental “no” hidden care about them. Why do children break the rules?

Children often rebel not against the rules themselves,but against their “implementation”.The word itself indicates power methods.In addition, psychologists have identified 4 major causes of serious violations of children’s behavior.

Rules conflict-discipline.

1. Rules, restrictions, requirements, prohibitions, definitely D. SC. in the life of every child.

This is especially useful to remember parents who want as little as possible to upset the children and to avoid conflict with them.As a result they go on about their own child. This ambivalent parenting style.

2. Rules, restrictions, requirements, prohibitions, etc. b. too many, and they d. b. flexible.

This rule warns against the extreme of upbringing in the spirit of “crackdown “, the authoritarian style of communication.

3. Parental attitudes must not come into clear conflict with the essential needs of the child.

Parents are often plagued with “excessive” activity of children. why they need so much to run, jump, noisy play, all be missed, to open, disassemble? The answer is simple:all this and more – the existence of natural and very important for children’s development needs in movement, cognition, exercise.To prohibit such actions. anyway. that’s like trying to dam the river flowing.Better to take care about. to guide its course in a convenient and safe way.Explore puddles, but only in knee-high boots, play the ball – not indoors and away from Windows, throw rocks at a target, if you organize everything. so no one was hurt.Another example relates to school age. From the age of 10 or 11 children it is especially important to communicate with peers whose opinion they respect more than adults.Guys often stop to listen to the parents, and the consequences can be dangerous.To avoid complications, parents should be especially careful in the bans “do not accept”, “don’t walk” “not to participate”. You need to be sure that the child does not perceive them as a threat to his status in the group of guys. If the parents at this time will enter into a protracted conflict with the child, then consent with your opinion they are not achieved, and the contact and the trust may lose.What should parents do? The most important thing – to be the bearers and agents of common and enduring values: honesty, diligence, respect for the personality of the other. Many of those values adult can discuss with the child and to realize in relationship with him, and it’s a gift that seeks and hopes to receive the child.

4. Rules, restrictions, requirements, etc. b. agreed adults among themselves.Sometimes, mom says, dad is another.The child begins to push, the “splitting” the ranks of the adults.The relationship between adult family members better not be.Even if one parent does not agree with the opinion of another, better at that moment to remain silent, and then. without the child. to discuss the disagreement and come to a common opinion.We must remember that children are constantly experiencing our requirements “strength”, and only accept what can not be slacking.Otherwise prefer to insist, to whine, to extort.

5. The way in which I communicated the requirement and ban, D. SC. friendly, explanatory not imperative.Any prohibition desired for a child is difficult,especially if you say it’s angry or imperious tone.To the question:”Why not?” do not answer”Because I said so”,”Impossible!”You need to briefly explain:”it’s late”,”It’s dangerous”.Explanation D. SC. short and uttered once.The proposal that you’re talking about the rule, it is better to build in an impersonal manner.Better to say :”don’t play with Matches!” instead of “don’t play with matches!”, “The tail of the cat is not in order for him pulled” instead of “Stop tormenting the cat!”

6. About punishments. From misunderstandings nobody sestakova and the moment will come when you will need to clearly respond to the bad behavior of the child.

Punishing the child, it is more correct to deprive him of a good than to do bad to him.

Here are the examples: in the family routine that mom on the weekends, bake a pie, or all together go for a walk or to the movies. Kids appreciate this tradition. When a parent pays special attention to them, and it’s interesting, it’s an event for them. However, if the child did not listen. has committed a misdemeanor, then the party need to cancel. It is a real punishment, but not offensive. But what happens when the parent is always “once”, all education is in the requirements, observations,and penalties in “minus?”Then to achieve discipline will be much more difficult.But the main thing – the danger of losing contact with the child. mutual resentment will build up and disconnect.So you need to have a supply of large and small events,classes and joint Affairs.Make them regular. the child was waiting for them and knew that they would surely come,if he doesn’t do anything bad.But don’t threaten their abolition for details.

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