The relationship between husband and wife?
“Marriage is a relationship between husband and wife, where the independence of both parties is equal, the dependence mutual and the obligation reciprocal.”
What is the impact on children, the relationship between husband and wife?
The relationship between husband and wife are in the system of family relations adult, marital subsystem. And as in every system, one subsystem affects another, because they are all interrelated.
So the answer to the question “what is the impact on children, the relationship between husband and wife?” is simple: “the Most direct way! Directly!”. Another question – how exactly are affected?
Taking as a basis the statement L. N. Tolstoy’s “All happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, say that a harmonious relationship between husband and wife are having a positive impact on relationships with children, and the relationship between children with each other.
But unhappy, conflictual relationship between husband and wife negatively affect parent-child relationships, and create friction in the relationship with the children both inside and outside the family, do not allow them to adequately adapt in society.
How dysfunctional relationship between husband and wife affect children?
The relationship between husband and wife arise from the specifics of sexual, intimate, psychological, domestic and educational aspects of life of the spouses. Violations, conflicts, misunderstandings in any of these areas, give each spouse the feeling of dissatisfaction, lack of demand or lack of, which are the basis of conflicts, quarrels, disputes and disagreements, which negatively affects the children.
For example, the sexual aspect of a relationship is very important in the relations of men and women, is one of the forms of manifestation of love. When the couple is young, do not have children, then you can indulge in sexual joys and full of passion.
But a child is born, and the young mother devotes all his time to the child, tired and pleasures of sex she may not have enough time and effort. Then the young spouse may feel their scarcity and to postpone unpleasant experiences for the child, to avoid contact with him.
Dissatisfied spouses sexual side of their relationship – their quantity, frequency, quality, reciprocity, leads to the appearance of irritation or anger, grief or guilt (energy libido transforms into aggression, grandpa Freud). And, according to the law of indirect aggression, is transferred to the child, for example.
The child does not understand why parents with am angry, angry and not talking to each other, because at night one of them was not satisfied with the sexual relationship. And thinks it is something wrong, if it barks in the morning.
Violations of intimate and psychological relations between husband and wife also affect children. We are talking about openness and immediacy of communication, no secrets, secrets, misunderstandings, according to the temperament or personality, common interests and Hobbies, understanding, acceptance, and values of the spouses to each other. It is no secret that motivation “not get along” is one of the most frequent justification of divorce.
For example, the couple maintain a family and we stick together for the kids. Maintaining a friendly neutrality in the education of children, however, remain strangers to each other people from the point of view of interests and values.
The husband is often delayed at work or in the garage, prefers outdoor activities, sporting events or Nightclubs, and the wife is focused only on domestic responsibilities, its values are home, children or shopping. However can be and Vice versa, a woman devoted all his time to his career, and not to her husband and children.
In this case, the couple had no time, desire or energy to talk to each other heart to heart, have to lie and sneak around to spend their leisure time at its sole discretion, to defend their values, sometimes to the detriment of the other spouse.
This friction between spouses, sometimes resulting in loud quarrels and conflicts can be transferred to children, then they also fall to a certain proportion of pokes, twits or even cuffs.
“You’re as stubborn as your father!”, “you’re just as materialistic as your mother!” parents say, not realizing that in this moment diminish not only the value of a father or mother in the eyes of a child, but also demonstrated their own, rather misanthropic, behavior.
And even if the formal relations of the spouses can be described as “normal”, the child still feels the tension and Convention. Trying to imitate the values and interests of both parents, he should run simultaneously in two directions, to please both.
For example, it sometimes happens that a child attends a spot of ballroom dancing or music school to please her mother, and the circle Sambo/karate or galogenkami to please dad. Yes, the child develops in different directions, harmoniously.
But what he really wants and what is going on in the mind of a child, no one asks. Because, not being able to make contact with each other, parents often forget to do this and with the child.
From the point of view of domestic relations between husband and wife problem often sounds like “who’s the boss?”. It is well known that very often “the love boat breaks up on life”, family showdown about who washes the dishes or takes out the garbage, who earns money, who more and who spends it, become a bone of contention in many families.
Such behaviour on the part of parents see children and draw conclusions (and sometimes legs… teenagers really do not like). The children then there is a strong unwillingness to do household chores, and in the future and have a family, because it is “so troublesome”.
And sometimes Vice versa too reverent attitude of parents to their household responsibilities may discourage the child all desire to help them. For example, my mother was a lover of cleanliness and order – bring to a Shine everything she comes across under a hand.
And the child, accidentally adoptable the dirt falls into the category of troublemakers, and the father of barks: “can’t you see, mother was removed, and dirt you threw up?!”. Trick question – if cleanliness is more expensive than the discovery of the child, how the child will be to this purity be treated?
Educational path in the relations of husband and wife is also a frequent cause for conflict parents. Different understanding on methods and ways of educating children about the rewards and the punishments that can be a child and what not – all this provokes and starts the peculiar behavior of the child.
He sees two systems of education: paternal and maternal, and often chooses the one that gives him more benefits and forced to live with. Such a child may grow a trimmer (konyunkturschina) or manipulator .
Here is a brief, and therefore relatively superficial analysis of the question of how the relationship between husband and wife affect the development and upbringing of their children.
So, since parental behavior is a pattern, a model for formation of children’s behavior, the relationship between husband and wife is the most direct impact on children’s development.
Therefore, before thinking about how I parent, each parent must ask the question “what kind of person I am? husband/wife?” . Only forming harmoniously as a person, we become good spouses and parents.
The relationship between husband and wife depend, primarily, on how they know and understand the role of men and women in General, the role of men and women in the upbringing of children. But we’ll discuss this in the next article .
Peace and joy to Your home!
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